Does CNN stand for Certain Negative News?

I was listening to an interview with Angie Gregg, (the daughter of kidnapping suspect Ariel Castro) and she hopes that people understand her father's actions are not a reflection on her family."We don't have monster in our blood," she said.

But, that’s a lie:  we all have “monster blood” -- including you who are reading this blog, as the American people lust after every salacious detail of evil crimes.

My CNN Breaking News app alerts me to evil doings all the time.  Beep, beep – “joker” guns down patrons in movie theater, gunman kills kids in elementary school, bomb goes off at Boston Marathon. Keep your phone alerts on as the next horror might be this morning!

CNN covered these events wall-to-wall, and quickly pivoted from the Boston bombers to extensive coverage of an evil man who for ten years tortured and imprisoned three young girls.

If you don’t like the tabloid style focus on tragedy, it isn’t CNN’s fault; they’re only reporting what the public wants to hear.  And as the crimes escalate in horror, so do CNN’s ratings as Anderson Cooper and Piers Morgan roll TV specials promising “new details.”

(I have to admit, I’m one of those people who watches these specials.)

The escape of the girls who were held hostage is sadly, not to freedom, but now to another kind of imprisonment, where they will once again be robbed of being who they are.  They’ll be seen and known only in terms of what was done to them rather than who they are.

In the end, ALL of us, including myself, have committed a despicable crime against these girls every time we yearn for the details of this crime. 

The victims haven’t gone outside in ten years. And now, they can’t go outside without being mobbed by reporters, and without having cameras and microphones shoved in their faces at every turn.

 Our “monster blood” is doing it again to them.

Staking Out Your Inner Energy Vampire

Have you ever heard a comic or a speaker and in the first five minutes, you already feel like you need a nap, or a drink, or even someone to make your final arrangements -- because you’re literally going to die of boredom?

In college, I had a few professors who left me snoring, but I’ve seen lectures since where speakers raise boring the audience to an absolute art form.  (It’s a very strange talent.)

How do they do it?  Is it their subject matter?  Their way of speaking?  (Bueller?  Anyone?  Anyone?)  Or is it something about who they are?

If you want to get paid for speaking, you need to have clear answers as to how these speakers cause their audiences to lose interest at light speed -- so you can do exactly the opposite.

As part of my research for my book (“The Message of You”), I wanted to find those answers for you – so I watched a lot of professional and amateur speakers (both live and on video) to see how they told their signature stories.  Some of those speakers were entertaining and inspiring; others opened their mouths and sucked the energy right out of the room as if they were vampires in the Twilight series. 

There was one main difference between the two types of speakers: narcissism.

If the reason you open your mouth in front of others is because you need attention, you can instantly turn yourself into an energy vampire.  How? You aren’t speaking to share something with the audience that helps them, or is on the topics that they want to hear about.  Instead, you’re talking about what interests you, with the goal of using their attention to feed your starving ego.  That might feel great (for you) for a minute or two, but as people stop paying attention, fall asleep, or even get up and leave – at some point even the most clueless speaker should realize that something isn’t working.

People often assume that what they have to say about themselves and their own thoughts, experiences, and feelings is always interesting.  Maybe that’s because they can recline on a couch in an office and talk to a nodding therapist who will hang on every word for sixty minutes.  But -- unless you’re paying each member of your audience $150 an hour (like the therapist is getting) – don’t expect the same reaction.

Imagine that same therapist is working for free, and has three options of what to do with an hour:

1. Answer a phone call from a travel agent with answers about an Australia trip the therapist has been itching to take
2. Go down the hall to a lecture on “How to double your medical practice income”
3. Listen to someone babble on for an hour with dozens of examples of how their younger sister always got more attention, and how that is the reason for every conceivable disaster in the last two decades, from failed marriages to Hurricane Katrina.
   

It’s not hard to guess that option 3 is never going to be picked... but it’s amazing how many speakers start telling stories with no thought about what is – or isn’t – something of interest to the listener.

Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t tell personal stories, or open up about your thoughts, experiences, and feelings onstage.  That sharing and vulnerability makes it possible to connect more deeply with your audience… but only if you include them in the process, and even more importantly – they, not you, become the main focus.

If you’re saying, “I” “me” or “my” too much, you’re on the wrong track, especially if you’re talking about problems:

“The other kids teased me” …  “People at work wouldn’t listen to my ideas” … “I never got my Christmas pony!”

If you sound like “Debbie Downer” – complaining without offering solutions -- your audience is going to tune out. You’ll see it in their faces, and in their body language if you pay attention, because audiences are ALWAYS giving you feedback. But, if you don’t see their signals, you can always just ask.

“By a show of hands, how many of you would like to hear why I felt unloved as I child?”

“Okay, and now, how many of you would like to know instead why YOU felt unloved as a child, and how you can overcome those lingering feelings of self doubt in way that will give you the confidence to change your life?

Changing the focus to make the story about your audience – and what they care about -- can make a huge difference.

Audiences – and amateur performers -- are a lot like the people in a therapist’s office; their favorite topic is themselves.  What a successful speaker has to remember – is that the focus always needs to be on whoever is paying the bill.

Using Your Message to Land a Job

I learned a lot about what it takes to get a job by being on the hiring side of the interview desk.  Not too long ago, I put in an ad for a project manager.  Very quickly, I received over 1,000 resumes – and it made me think about how tough it must be for a job seeker to stand above the sheer volume of competition in this difficult economy.

I assumed it would take a long time to narrow the search down with so many applicants – but it didn’t.  So I hope I can help those of you who are looking right now by sharing the things that thinned out the herd – and that made some candidates really shine.

THE GREETING

If I’m hiring someone to be a project manager, they’re going to be writing and sending emails on my behalf.  So, how they addressed me in their query letter gave me a sense of how they might approach my clients.  But -- you’d be surprised how many people began with, “To Whom It May Concern” or “Dear Madam/Sir.”

Maybe it was really hard to find out the name of someone with a website called judycarter.com – or from the email address that had my first name in it.  Or -- maybe they knew my name, but were being really careful not to offend me (just in case Judy is a he.)

Granted, I know you have to be a little careful with a business owner named Pat or Gene -- but how often is someone named “Judy” a sir?  If you’re that cautious, working with a comedian is clearly the wrong line of work for you.  You blew it.  (600 down, 400 left to go.) 

MAKING IT PERSONAL

In this age of Google everything, you can certainly find out anything about the person or company on the other side of the interview.  So, my next step was seeing if applicants took the time to research the history of my company and my personal life -- and were smart enough to mention something in the letter to show me that they did.

Guess what?  Most people didn’t.  (300 more gone; 100 left.)  Out of the original 1,000, only 10% even took the time to go to my website.  Since they were already online (the application wasn’t in a newspaper) – it would have only taken a few clicks.  If you’re that lazy – do you really expect anyone (other than a relative or the French government) to hire you?

A form letter isn’t going to get you a job.  Take the time to do a little research and make it specific to the opportunity.  You have the time.  (Or, spend your days customizing your parent’s basement so it’s truly a home; it’s your call.)

IT’S ABOUT THEIR MESSAGE  

If I could attribute one thing that is the key secret to my financial success in an industry where only 5% of SAG/AFTRA (the performer’s unions) members are above the poverty level, it’s about letting go of “me” and focusing on “you.”

People who aren’t making a living at what they love to do have more excuses than dollar bills.  “It’s age, sex, race, discrimination, and it’s a tough market.”

No, those aren’t the factors that make the final cuts.  What employers care most about is how well you fit in with their values.  Your credentials might get you in the door, but how well what you stand for matches up with your potential employer is the thing that will get you the job. 

One of my coaching clients shared with me how he scored a job on Broadway by using a technique from my new book, “The Message of You.” In the last chapter of the book, I encourage my reader to listen, mirror, and acknowledge other people’s messages.  My client, David, went into the interview having done extensive research on not only what the employer had done -- but also on what he stood for: the employer’s message.

Going into the interview, instead of giving the typical “why I’m so great” speech, David started with, “I believe that there are three things that I see as your message.”  And, after listing them, he continued, “… and here is how we can fit together.”

He got the job.

We all want to work with, date, and marry people who “get” us.  When Felicia (the very last person I interviewed) came in to meet with me, she not only knew what I did, but WHY I did it.  (That level of understanding is invaluable.)  She showed me her organizational prowess, and how she could help me do what I do better.  She got the job.

Do you know your message? Do you express it in a way that is clear – and quick?  And -- do you know how it fits with the message of the person or company who is interviewing you?

If you don’t – start doing your homework now.  Or -- go shop for some cool posters for that basement.