I've been in a tizzy because someone hacked into my Apple Account and stole my identity!
At my age, I am a bit flattered that someone even wanted to steal my identity. When other friends had theirs' stolen, I thought, "Was my life so boring that no one found it valuable enough to steal?"
I can only assume that my hacker is reading this right now. So, I would like to take a moment and write a personal message to him or her.
Dear Hacker, or do I just call you Hack?
You know so much about me -- my social security number, even those faded numbers on the back of my credit cards. Yet, I know so little about you. In my fantasy you sort of look like the girl from that movie The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I imagine you sitting at your lap top with your multiply piercings, rubbing A&D ointment on your new tattoo, and reading my boring emails. Are you as bored with my life as I sometimes am? BTW, what did I buy you with those iTunes gift cards? I like to imagine you as a Robin Hood sort, stealing from me to buy gifts for orphans in Africa. Are you going to declare it as a tax deduction or can I declare you as a dependent?
Quick question: Are you the same Hacker who keeps sending me the emails announcing that "I am the beneficiary of Prince Muvaggie's 35 million dollars?" Please, don't be insulted, but people don't call you "Hack" for nothing. The emails are SO unoriginal, too long, and humorless. Hack, you DON'T have to be a hack. You CAN be original.
Hack - come to my comedy workshop in New York, or in Dallas, and I will show you how to write original material. You CAN do this. I promise that you will get personal attention and leave being able to make people laugh and create happiness rather than misery.
You don't need to steal MY persona - you can have your OWN and I will help you find it. Matter of fact, if you register by May 20th you can even get a discount.
But, please. This time, can you use your own credit card?
Sign up for New York here. (Saturday, May 19th)
Sign up for Dallas here. (Sunday, June 10th)